It was Fall of 2017, and it was time for my eldest child to go to Kindergarten. A big step for both of us, and I was fixing to do as much “right” as I could when it came to my kids schooling–short of joining the PTA because Type A Amber would end up going overboard. Anyway, the first week of school my son’s Kindergarten teacher sent us a newsletter . . . with a book recommendation for the grownups. “We’ll be teaching your kids the Growth Mindset” and I think you parents will find it useful to read the book behind it.
Wait, my kid’s in Kindergarten and I am the one getting homework?! WHAT HAVE I WROUGHT!?
I sighed, and then I picked up the book on Audible since my main reading time would be during my commute back and forth from work each day. “Growth Mindset: The New Psychology of Success” by Dr. Carol Dweck.
Reading this book, my intention was to learn how to support my son at the start of his illustrious school career. Instead, I uncovered a treatise on why my upbringing as a gifted kid in the 80’s had set me up for a lifetime of risk-aversion and self-limitation. This book changed my life for the better.
I grew up as one of 3 gifted kids in my family. My mom praised us all constantly for our talents. She meant well. Overall there were lots of praise and gold stars for me, for the things I could naturally do well. And gifted classes were way more fun than normal classes–I got to solve strange logic problems, learn about the word “onomatopoeia” and play Oregon Trail and Truckin’ USA on the very first personal computers to my heart’s content. But something was missing here. Lots of reinforcement for the things I could do well without practicing. Not much in the way of support for the things I couldn’t immediately do well. In fact, I recall the sting of being denied advanced math opportunities because I panicked on time math tests. I quickly convinced myself I was “bad at math” even though I’d go on to get A’s in Calculus 1 and 2 in college.
I could go on, but I want to get back to why I want you to know about the Growth Mindset.
I can see why the Growth Mindset is important for kids just starting out in life. I imagine all the possibilities I ruled out for myself, early on, because I wasn’t immediately good at it.
I want that Growth mindset for you, because I know I have trapped myself for a long time in a “Fixed” mindset. I thought I was bad at math, so why even consider an engineering path? I thought since I hadn’t studied Computer Science in college that I couldn’t be effective in Technology, so I ruled out a fascinating and lucrative career path for years. I wasn’t immediately good at drawing or painting, even though I’d come to find during plague times it was an exquisite source of comfort and expression. Thank goodness my kid’s teacher recommended that book. It wasn’t too late. I made a big career jump, from Biotech to FinTech and from an analyst to an engineer and then to a leader, because I knew if I worked hard I could grow into each new role. These days, I praise my kid for finding ways to challenge himself. And for me, there’s still time to grow and explore my life. There’s still time for you too.
Is there something you ruled out early on in your life, because you weren’t immediately good at it? Who out there hated practicing something because it felt awful to get it wrong so many times before getting it right? What if we celebrated you for growth instead of your fixed starting points? There’s still time to find out.